Keys to Overcome Anger

Anger can be expressed constructively. The only way anger can be expressed constructively is it must be restrained and controlled. Is this possible? Solomon declares, "It is prudent for a man to restrain his anger (Prov. 19:11, Berkeley Version). "He who is slow to anger is of great understanding, but whoever is hasty of spirit exalts folly" (Prov. 14:29) Scripture makes it clear that anger can and must be restrained and controlled.

1. Make a choice to control your anger.

Is this possible? Have you ever been arguing with someone at home and the phone rings? What did you do? Didn't you choose to control your anger simply by making a choice to answer the phone and speak calmly to the caller? Paul says, "do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts" (Rom. 6:12) This is a choice. You can also make the same choice not to allow your anger to reign in your heart. How many times, before you were a Christian, did a conflict occur at work with your boss. He or she said or did something to make you angry. But, you chose to control your anger and say nothing simply because you wanted to keep your job? This proves that even as a non-Christian you could choose to control your anger. How much more today should you as a Christian be able to restrain it? Today you have the restraining power of the Holy Spirit to help you.

2. Break the stronghold of anger (2 Corinthians 10:3-7 )

A stronghold is some hidden sin from our lives that we have given up hope on overcoming. We probably have tried to overcome anger in the past. Failure brings with it a disheartening and final cover up of our sin.

Truth, however, gives strength and confidence to do what is right. Lies block out the light and therefore strip us of any confidence in overcoming a certain problem. What common lies minimize the problem of anger and therefore prevent us from overcoming anger? Where in scripture did people cover up their anger?

Hope comes when we are broken before God over our sin and welcome Him to overcome the sin in our lives. More than often our pride minimizes our anger's wrong and makes exceptions and excuses for our anger.

3. Surrender to the Holy Spirit.

The fruit of the Spirit is self-control. He enables you to do all that I am about to explain in these next pages. You need the "living water" of His Spirit to quench the fire of your anger (John 7:37-39). God's Holy Spirit is stronger than your anger. This is why Paul said, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Phil. 4:13). He will strengthen you to control your anger. If you will simply ask the Spirit of God to come and reign in you.

4. Deal with the small issues before they build into resentment.

Many times the failure to resolve small offenses with a person will ultimately lead you to those volcanic eruptions of anger and rage. Moses is one of the best examples of allowing multiple issues to frustrate and anger him to the point of this kind of explosion. Scripture reveals that he suffered the people and their contradictions year after year until finally he lost his temper. Moses became angry and "spoke rashly with his lips" (Ps. 106:32-33). The simple solution to this problem of building resentment was given by Jesus when He taught us to deal quickly with a conflict(Matt. 5:25). Paul also taught that we should not allow the sun to go down on your wrath (Eph.:26).

5. Control and restrain your words.

Solomon says, "a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" (Prov. 15:1). Harsh words stir up whomever you are speaking to, but it also stirs up your anger if you keep talking. Therefore, if you want to control your anger, "be swift to hear, slow to speak", and you will be, 'slow to wrath." (James 1:19) In other words, stop talking and listen more, this helps you to calm down and reason more clearly. If you will allow them to, harsh words will stir you up too.

6. Control and restrain your thoughts.

When you allow angry and resentful thoughts and accusations to rule and control your mind, you will continue to boil inside. You need the peace of God to rule your heart and mind which enables you to think clearly and constructively as to a biblical course of action and solution to the problem. To accomplish this, you must first understand why you are angry. God asked Cain, Why are you angry?" (Gen.4:6). He asked this question before Cain killed his brother Abel in the attempt to help him resolve his rage. Therefore, determine are you angry at God, people, or yourself? Then you must re-think the issue biblically from God's perspective which will naturally enable you to control your anger. Solomon explained that " the discretion(wisdom or understanding)of a man makes him slow to anger, and it is to his glory to overlook a transgression (Prov.19:11).God's wisdom and discretion will help you to think and act in an appropriate manner. to resolve why you are angry before you take an inappropriate action as Cain did. In addition, God's wisdom will bring peace as you choose to refuse the hateful and revengeful thoughts of bitterness. You must acknowledge these thoughts as sinful before God and ask His forgiveness. Paul promised that if you will meditate on "things that are true, things that are just…the God of peace will be with you” (Phil 4:8-9)

7. Control and restrain your actions.

Take a short time out when you realize that you, or the other party in the conversation, are beginning to get out of control. Solomon said, "It is honorable to a man to stop striving, since any fool can start a quarrel" (Prov. 20:3). He also commanded in Proverbs 17:14, "Stop contention before a quarrel starts." Taking a time out will allow you and others to pray and get under control before a blow up occurs. This will entail walking away from the confrontation before you explode. Even Jesus walked away from the emotionally charged moment when the Jews wanted t throw him off a cliff (Luke 4:28-30)

Don't grab, push, or have any physical contact with a person you are angry with or that you know is angry with you. If you try to force someone physically to do what you want, this will only increase their anger and resistance.

What should anger motivate you to do?

Anger used in a constructive way it should always motivate you to a biblical and godly action. This is why God created you with the ability to get angry. He wanted this powerful emotion to encourage you to do what is right when there is a problem to be solved.

Examples in the Bible of people who were motivated to godly action by anger.

1. Moses was led to pray for the people because of his anger (Num. 16:15).

2. Saul was motivated to resist the evil of another nation because of his anger (I Sam. 11:6).

3. Nehemiah was led to rebuke the rulers of the people for their sin (Neh. 5:6-7). He did this in a controlled way.

4. David was drawn to prayer and meditation. He trusted God and did what was righteous (Ps. 4:3-5).

5. Jesus resisted the peer pressure of the Pharisees to speak boldly and healed a man on the Sabbath. This of course, was right thing to do (Mark 3:5).